I truly believe that when we are in need and we ask for help, we always get an answer.
We’re suddenly drawn to something and it leads us down a path that happens to hold what we need.
Let’s face it – I was a weird kid. I was very shy and always felt that I was in the wrong place – that I didn’t belong.
Add to that was the fact that I grew up on the Navajo reservation and was the only blonde, white girl in my class at school.
I bugged my parents by telling them my dreams each morning and I would gather up all of my Dad’s theology/Bible study books and study. Picture a 6 year old sitting out under a tree with piles of thick bible books all around her.
I had this intense desire to gather information about deep stuff. I also suffered from intense anxiety and depression as a small child. I still have a suicide note from when I was seven.
I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for me. It is merely to set the scene for what was a very long, lonely journey at trying to figure out who I was and why I felt as I did.
There was a point in my life where I knew I needed to start a spiritual journey that was mine-not what my parents thought best, not what I was raised to do, not what society saw as best, but my own personal journey. Because of my depression, I was searching for anything to help me out of the very dark pit I lived in.
I won’t go into the long story of that journey, but one thing led to another and I began studying my dreams, then creative journaling, the Runes, then the Tarot.
I discovered that metaphysics was my passion. I devoured all the various topics and was the constant seeker.
Studying Astrology and Numerology let me get a glimpse into my soul stats and it helped a lot.
But I noticed that I was very drawn to the deck of regular playing cards. I wasn’t sure why I found them so intriguing (I’m talking about beyond playing fun card games)
Fast forward many years and I had an online friend who ‘read’ playing cards. It was my first introduction to the art of reading them in the same way someone would read the tarot.
I began to study them by corresponding them to the tarot.
I found my first book about how we each have a birth card and something opened up for me. My study of Astrology and Numerology came together in the system of the cards.
Suddenly, so much made sense. When I looked at my Birth card, the 6♣, and added that to my Life path number 11….I understood why I thought I was so weird!
I won’t bore you with the deets of the core of me, but it all made sense. I could own who I was and see that the very deep, hidden desire I’d had since childhood about being a spiritual teacher was indeed who I am.
Another push of the fast forward button and at another very dark time in my life, I sequestered myself and decided to draw a single card each day and see what message it had for me. This began my work with using the cards to tap into what was really going on at a deeper, spiritual level. I created my own system and exercises to understand what I needed to let go of, heal and change in order to get through the dark space I was in and to create the life I really wanted.
My study of the cards went deeper and I made discoveries about myself that opened new paths, brought into my life new friends, information and opportunities that helped me out of that dark space.
This was prior to learning that we each have a spread of cards that changes on each birthday and is part of a very in-depth ancient system that acts as a guide, a roadmap, a pattern of energies that helps us navigate each year and make the best of it.
I began a new study – which I call Soulmancing – which is using the yearly forecast spread to navigate, plan and reach my goals. It helped me to understand why certain things were happening, to no longer feel like a victim and to benefit from what was going on.
It changed my life.
It helped me to understand why certain relationships in my life were as they were, why I felt certain challenges and how I could make what seemed like a disaster into something helpful and rewarding. It reduced my anxiety, gave me skills to combat confusing situations and allowed me to heal things I had been struggling with my whole life.
I no longer suffer from depression or anxiety and I’ve found my path, my purpose and I am genuinely happy!
Not a day goes by that I don’t refer to the cards in some way- by seeing what someone’s birth card is so I get a better understanding of them, to planning my next steps, or even as an inspirational prompt for my creative journaling.
They might seem so simple and insignificant since we all have used them at some point for games, but their history is fascinating and the layers and depth of wisdom within this system is truly amazing!
But the main thing that you gain when you use this system is to get a better understanding of who you are authentically.
This is the key to changing your life and feeling that you’re on the right path and that it has meaning and purpose.
Change always begins from the inside. Living a life with meaning and fulfillment starts when you live as YOU – authentically.
I’m still weird. I love the woo-woo stuff. But now I know that I DO belong and my weirdness is not a curse; I know why I went through the dark times. It has led me here to work I love, to living in a place I love and to knowing how to see life with new eyes.
Also published on Medium.